Sick of Winter

I'm a little bit over winter. And yes, I know I live in Queensland and winter is not even really winter, I would just like to say that if I'm sitting here in a pair of jeans and a jumper with my uggboots on at 3.20 pm in the afternoon - then its winter. Today, all I felt like doing was just sitting on the beach and writing. But its just a little chilly and overcast, and not really comfortable.

I'm longing to sit in the warm sand, and feel the cleansing warmth of the sun on my body and a gentle breeze on my face with the smell of salt in the air. That, to me is bliss. That is when I feel most free and alive.... and me. It is my most favourite place to be when I want to be alone. The picture above is the epitome of relaxing. I love sitting under a pandanus and soaking it all up. And today, I just really felt like being alone and enjoying my own company. And although I am alone at home right now, its just not the same because I look around and there is shit to do. The washing is screaming at me to be folded, the hoover is sitting in the middle of the lounge room taunting me to get up and vacuum the house. There's packing, cleaning, bla bla bla bla to be done. Hell, I should even be working (hush your words!) Apparently that's what a job is for - ummm... you work, you get paid.. sorry, not inspired.

But I really, really just feel like sitting on the beach, enjoying nature. I don't want to be deep in thought or contemplating. I don't want to solve all my problems through meditation, I don't want to take action, make decisions, work stuff out or understand anything. I just want to sit and enjoy the world around me.

Sounds kinda serene doesn't it? Well, I just think that we can spend way too much time in our own heads, thinking, planning, "what if this", "what if that". We make decisions based on our desired outcomes. But we can't control any outcomes. We can't control what other people will do, or say. To be truly content we just need to trust. Trust that we, and the other people around us will just do what they do. They will do what they need to do in any given moment. And we don't even need to know or understand what motivates them to do it. Just trust that we are living in the moment and have allowance for other's to do the same.

We put so much judgement and attachment on the outcomes of situations. Then when it doesn't work out the way we wanted, we feel hurt, anger and blame. But if there is no attachment, no expectation and no limitations, then it doesn't matter what the outcome is. It just doesn't matter. Live for this moment. Enjoy the people around you for who they are and for what they bring to your life. Fill yourself up with the energy and love of the people who make you feel GREAT. But don't put any expectations on them. Just allow it to be and it will be. And enjoy the freedom of being in allowance.

By putting expectations and limitations on outcomes, we are putting barriers up. The barriers serve a purpose of protecting us from being hurt. But by surrounding ourselves with walls of protection, we are also preventing the goods stuff from flowing in. We put ourselves in a cocoon and say - yep, I'm safe. I can't get hurt (la, la, la, la - not listening - you can't hurt me cause I'm not going to show you who I really am....la, la, la). And so, we don't make ourselves vulnerable.

How restricting that feels. How closed in and claustrophobic that feels. How lonely and full of anxiety that feels. If we don't put ourselves out on the very tip of the furthest branch of the biggest tree, and feel just a little bit scared, vulnerable and unsafe.... how the hell do we expect to catch a hold of all the good stuff that is drifting past. If we stay close to the trunk of the tree, holding on for dear life out of fear of falling, we won't allow ourselves to let go long enough to grab hold of the good stuff. We miss out. Why should we miss out? Life is meant to be full of experiences. So just let go and experience everything that you possibly can, without any judgements on yourself or others and with no expectations or limitations.

That is freedom.

xx